Quarantine Lessons
I’ve literally been sitting here trying to figure out where to start. So much has happened since I last spoke to you guys in March 2019. Yep, it’s been almost a year and a half. During that time many of you reached out asking for me to post more or why I stopped and though I kept saying I was going to get back to it eventually, I clearly never did. To be honest there were so many things going on in my life that left me unmotivated, stressed, anxious... you name it! My family was in the process of looking for a home to purchase which took months, and on top of that I was simply just trying to figure out my life.
I was going on a year and a half at my place of employment feeling like I didn’t belong there, doing a job that didn’t inspire or motivate me. I was bored and tired of the same routine. Going into a work environment every day that you know isn’t right for you, yet trying to do your best work and remain professional is DRAINING!! I would be so drained that on the weekends I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, seeing anyone, going anywhere, or doing anything. That explains why my blog has been super dry. I just wasn’t my best self and I surely didn’t want to put out half-ass content. I can tell when content is half-assed and ya’ll weren’t about to get that from me, lol. Most of my weekends (and even my days off) I would often be in my thoughts about what I wanted out of life and what was next for me. It hit me even more when my birthday rolled around in February and I wasn’t one bit excited for it. All I could think about was how unhappy I was and how I couldn’t go through another year feeling that way. I just didn’t want life to pass me by.
Many may wonder why I stayed in that situation for as long as I did. Part of it was because I couldn’t figure out whats’s next and I was afraid to take a chance on me, but a huge part of it was a sacrifice for something that had been years in the making. I promise one day I will share the details on that but what I will say is that this time in my life taught me so much. Life isn’t always sunshine and daisy’s for a reason and I think this past year and a half taught me that the rough patches are necessary. It will stretch you and sometimes break you, but trust me you will come out better on the other side. You just have to have faith that everything happens for a reason. While doing so, make sure you’re alert to the lesson that life is trying to teach you. I read scripture the other day that made me think of my struggles differently and it was James 1:2-4. “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have it’s perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” Your trials and tribulations are never in vain. They’re just stepping stones towards becoming a better you.
Fast forward to May 2020 and so much has changed. My family closed on our new home that we moved into about two weeks before New York was placed on lockdown because of the Rona aka Coronavirus. Thankfully, my family hasn’t been affected too much by this virus but I pray everyday for all those affected and those who haven’t been, that they will remain protected. These have just been scary times with so many changes and uncertainty, but likewise it’s also been a time of self-reflection.
Moment of transparency
Due to the pandemic, I was laid off from my job almost two weeks after I moved, and in all honesty, as funny as it may sound, I am grateful. You ever felt like life was happening way faster than you could keep up? Like not being able to figure out your place in these drastic changes? Well I have been feeling that way for almost a year and only God knew how I was feeling. Looking back on everything now and how life has been going for the past month, I can say God was really looking out for me. He knew I needed a mental break and he gave me just that. I have been fortunate to be able to use this time when life has seemingly stopped to just refocus on who I am and what I really want from life. I have also been using this time to get back in touch with my creative side, the side of me that suffered the most over the past year and a half. I missed it so much but I could never just bring myself into that mode of creativity, or the headspace required to plan out my creative work. I know people always say that their creative work is like an outlet for them, but for me sometimes it just wasn’t enough especially when I felt so uncertain with life and it’s direction. It’s like nothing else really mattered to me, I just wanted to have a clear understanding of what’s next.
Since being at home for the past two months, I decided to slow down. I stopped looking for what’s next and took the time to just pay attention to me, get back in tune with myself, my values and goals. As people, we may not realize it but we sometimes lose ourselves chasing success and going about the everyday routines of life. We’re always so focused on our future which isn’t a bad thing, but we forget about who and what really matters in the present. We even listen more to the outside voices compared to the voices that are in our minds and in our hearts. We even forget how to simply listen to what God is telling us. When I would express the way I felt about my job to people I would always get the same few responses, “Make sure you have a job lined up if you decide to quit” or “Stay a bit longer and things may change” or “Okay, so what’s next?” Like... I DON’T KNOW! All I knew was living the way I was living didn’t feel right. No one knows what’s best for you other than yourself! Though I knew what everyone said was coming from a good place, I unfortunately let their opinions get to me rather than taking my life into my own hands.
If this virus has taught me anything it has definitely taught me to slow down. I needed to slow down mentally because my brain was on 100 all the time. I know people who were affected by this virus and some who even lost their lives to it. No money, success, or privilege will save you when it’s your time to go. In addition to that, I’ve realized that no matter what you do for them, no job is 100% protected from layoffs. When you’re down and out, they are rarely there for you because business is business and personal is personal. Please don’t stress over them. Life is too short to stay in situations that stress you out or make you unhappy. It’s your life and there isn’t a right or wrong way to do it. You have to live a life that is best for you and makes you happy. It may take time to figure out how to do that but you’ll figure it out. In the process of figuring it out, just know that whatever plan that God has for your life will come to pass when it’s time and when He feels you’re ready. In the meantime just continue to pray about your troubles, put in the work and things will fall into place. When or if things don’t work out, don’t stress about it too much, it probably wasn’t for you anyway.
I’m not sure what’s next for me but I am sure of one thing: How I will proceed with life from here on out. I’m going to pour into my self, my craft, who and what I love. Tomorrow is not promised as we all have seen from this pandemic and I just want to make sure that when all is said and done, I did what I wanted to do in accordance with God’s plan for my life with no regrets.
I hope you’ll do the same 😊
P.S. Since I’m trying to get my creative juices flowing again, please let me know if there are any topics you would like me to write about, questions you have, etc. and I will do my best to answer them for you in a post.
